Hi, everyone. Just checking in. I’m not feeling very articulate. Mostly I am vomiting and sleeping. And holding my breath for next Tuesday. I have to say, I have no script at all for what it would mean to be an actual pregnant person, someone for whom the puking and napping ends with entrance into the second trimester, rather than thanks to all the nice anti-nausea meds they give you with the D&C. At the same time, ever since I went NPO to my appointment last week, I’ve stopped being on every-single-second high alert for the miscarriage. If I do have one now, it’s really going to take my breath away. I don’t know how to go forward without believing it could work. I feel like if I don’t think positive, I’ll blame myself later for somehow contributing to disaster. But, at the same time, optimism itself seems frightening and foolhardy. Mostly I wish I could just just stay asleep till this is over, one way or the other.
Help me pass the time here people. Tell me something about you. Tell me anything you’d like. Below are a few suggestions of things I’d like to know:
1. How did you find the world of IF blogs? What was the first blog you read? What was your situation at the time that you found it?
2. How did you find my blog specifically? What do you like about it? What would you change?
3. Are you currently trying to have a child? Why or why not? Has the decision been a difficult one? What factors have you considered? If you’re trying, how long have you been at it? If it’s been a while, do you think of yourself as infertile?
4. Where are you located? How old are you? Be as vague or specific as you like on those…
5. Feel free to ask me questions in return. I would love to hear from you, even if you usually “just lurk.”
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13 comments:
1. How did you find the world of IF blogs? What was the first blog you read? What was your situation at the time that you found it?
I was led "down the garden path" ha! of blogs/and bloggers by stumbling onto tomato nation. I heart Sars, the Vine and her wonderful essays.
2. How did you find my blog specifically? From tomatonation, I found the damnhellasskings - and that led to the fug blogs, uncle bob, velcrometer and dooce and blurbomat, which led to hashai and the Naked Ovary (her daughter en-route will be named Maya like me, so I *HAVE* to read her story.. Than to chookooloonks,..Which led me to you - I see all the moms and moms to be and find myself wondering "is so-and-so an infertile? Am I?" and also being reeeally, super-careful what I say to all my pregnant/mom friends. (90% of our friends have kids)
What do you like about it? What would you change?
I've only just looked - so far I like how clean it is and wouldn't know enough to suggest changes.
3. Are you currently trying to have a child? Currently I could try as hard as I want - until DH gets unsnipped, it ain't gonna do me any good! Why or why not? I'd love to say that we're going to try in the future, and I'd love to have a couple of kids, but I (so sadly) don't see it happening. Sighs.
Has the decision been a difficult one? It was a very difficult decision when I tossed my hormonal BC -made me alternately fat/crazy- and it was DH's decision to get a vasectomy- and it would be very difficult for me to not at least try to "accidentally" get pregnant if that were an option. It is ALL very difficult, for me anyway.
What factors have you considered? So many! This is going to be the longest comment EVER! DH's age/family history of cancer/My age (12 years younger) both now (26) and if we were to wait, DH's age would be like 43 and 46 IF everything went right. IF. Our financial situation (not bad, but a bit cash-poor at the moment) - My starting a business that is what I've wanted to do for ...my whole life - and the repercussions (severe to crippling) if I were to stop to have a baby. Ummm... so many things!
If you’re trying, how long have you been at it? N/a
If it’s been a while, do you think of yourself as infertile? N/a - but I have a secret fear that I somehow would have a really, really hard time getting/staying pregnant.
4. Where are you located? How old are you? Be as vague or specific as you like on those… My home in Beautiful, super-expensive, really fun if you've got lots of cash Santa Barbara. I'm 26 (just had a b-day on tuesday)
I do have questions for you.. but I'm going to comment again b/c this is ridiculously long! Good luck and many "sticky" vibes to you and the Peanut.
Maya
1. I started reading infertility blogs after my first miscarriage. That is when I found out I have endo. I found Chez Miscarriage first, and from there was led to A Little Pregnant. Those blogs helped me feel less alone.
2. I found your blog through The Naked Ovary. I read your blog because you are, essentially, in the same place as I am. I wouldn't change anything with the blog.
3. I am currently pregnant. I will be 12 weeks tomorrow and have my 4th u/s scheduled tomorrow as well. It took me 4 years to become pregnant the first time. I had a lap in August and became pregnant 2 months afterwards with the current pregnancy. I guess I would be considered infertile due to my past history, but I wouldn't label myself infertile as I have never needed IUI or IVF to become pregnant.
4. I am located in Toronto. I am (only) 24, and my DH and I have been married for 5 years. DH is 28.
I started reading mommy blogs as I figured I'd be pregnant soon. I found surburban bliss, who referenced chez miscarriage. I read Grrl and realised where my real home was when I wasn't pregnant after 8 months. That led me to julie and tertia, and on to this glorious environment. I'm afraid I can't remember how I found you specifically, I just read and browse and when someone seems important I put them on my blog roll.
Yes, trying to have children. I'll try for another year for our own, then move on to adoption. I think. I've always wanted children, so has my husband, so that's not hard. Having them turns out to be a bit of a struggle, however!
I'm in the UK. Very nearly 39.
1. I found Grrl's blog recommended by a host on a TTC board and I started jumping to other commenter's sites. I was trying to find out if my symptoms meant my millionth IUI was successful.
2. I saw a comment you wrote and since we have the same name, I was curious. Don't change anything!
3. I have a one year old boy and an eight year old girl. It took 2 years for the girl and 5 for the boy. Husbandguy and I are both fertility-challenged and therefore now broke!
4. I am a 39 year old Toronto girl.
5. Ok...I am a lurker. When I do feel that I have a thought-provoking intellectual question or comment, I do come out of hiding. None today though, except my good thoughts for you.
Anne in TO
Delurking for the first time. My name is Lisa and I live in Manhattan. While I haven't started a blog of my own yet, I may start soon. I have read infertility and miscarriage blogs for several months now and am impressed with the wonderful and supportive community. I had two miscarriages this year, and am currently 7 weeks pregnant. I just started having heavy bleeding today, so I'm not very optimistic about this one.
Anne, I am very impressed with your courage and stamina in the face of all the adversity and sickness that you have experienced. I know how horrible this waiting game is, and how nerve-wrecking it is to go through each ultrasound. I can't imagine doing all this while experiencing debilitating morning sickness as well. Best wishes to you!
1. I'm here by a circuitous route. We were quite far into the adoption process and I was reading many adoption blogs. Then we realized that while we thought we had closure on pursuing a biological child we actually hadn't. We decided to put a hold on the adoption and resume ttc.
2. Your blog grabbed my attention because I've also had three miscarriages (via Naked Ovary I think). I stayed because you write beautifully and you capture so incredibly accurately what I've felt.
3. We are ttc. We have been in this process for 6 years. That sounds awfully long but there were long breaks in between. What's been hard about the process is figuring out what we really want and having the courage to pursue it. When I've turned away from trying to get pregnant is has always been to protect myself emotionally (after each miscarriage I'd give up for awhile). This looks like it will be our last try and this time I don't want to give up even if it means trying again right after a miscarriage or trying more advanced treatment.
4. We're in Michigan and we're both 38.
5. No questions right now. Just want to wish you well this week.
First off thanks to Maya for copying the questions over into the comments page!
1) I didn't set out to find infirtility blogs, just ended up reading several through various blog rolls. I find it ironic that in the year I've been reading them, I have also been failing to concieve.
2) I think you were linked by A Little Pregnant at some point... I really don't remember anymore.
3)Currently applying to grad schools, so not going the medical intervention route right now. Been off the pill since Sept '04 I'm not having cycles with anything that could be called regularity, and there's some sort of problem on hubby's side too. His urologist is confused. I would welcome a biological baby if one came along, but starting to think seriously about adopting at some point in the future.
4)San Fransisco Bay area, late 20's
1. The first blog I read was a little pregnant. At the time, I was waiting to miscarry from my first pregnancy. (I think I googled "early miscarriage.") I read Julie's story from the beginning and found comfort in knowing I was not alone and perhaps, just perhaps, not the hugest loser *ever* for not being about to get, and stay, pregnant. Cool, interesting and smart people writing about infertility - that has made a huge difference for me. So thank you for that.
2. I think I found your blog through a little pregnant but it could have been another google search. I have only read it a few times so no suggestions, I don't know it well enough!
3. We are still TTC. It wasn't a difficult decision to start trying, as I have always wanted children, but actually *getting it done* is another matter. We've been at it for about 3-1/2 years, with a few breaks. I don't consider myself infertile, but let's face it, I AM or what would I be doing at that fertility clinic??
4. I am 39 and live in Vancouver, Canada. And can I just say that when I was 36 and started TTC, the Medical Profession scoffed at my concerns about aging eggs. Now they are telling me it may be too late. Yeah, thanks a lot, guys.
5. I'm interested to know how you got to where you are now, but will read the archives to find out.
1. How did you find the world of IF blogs? What was the first blog you read? What was your situation at the time that you found it?
I remember looking up "miscarriage" after my first and finding Grrl's site, but not really reading it at the time. After my second though I started reading Lorem's blog, and discovered the loss bloggers she links to; after that, someone had a link to Julie's blog and I read her entire archives, mesmerized. Since then I've just found people at random; there are probably far more I haven't added to my blogroll yet but my time isn't as free as I'd like for such pursuits.
2. How did you find my blog specifically? What do you like about it? What would you change?
I don't remember exactly how I found you -- Jill (Knocked Down) maybe? but I appreciate your honest views of what you've experienced as it's helped me to develop a strength I didn't know I had.
3. Are you currently trying to have a child? Why or why not? Has the decision been a difficult one? What factors have you considered? If you’re trying, how long have you been at it? If it’s been a while, do you think of yourself as infertile?
We're not currently try as we're trying to fix what's wrong instead. After the surgery to correct my uterine anomaly I will probably start trying again. I'm worried about my FSH a little, as it's borderline high, although Emily (Scrambled Eggs) has given me some reassurance that I don't have as much to worry about as I thought. It would be ironic if after getting all these miscarriage causes (anomaly and MTHFR) fixed/treated I ended up having problems getting pregnant, but I'm trying to prepare for that as best I can. I don't consider myself infertile per se, although I identify a lot with the struggles that happen.
4. Where are you located? How old are you? Be as vague or specific as you like on those…
I'm in a suburb south of Pittsburgh, PA. I'm 35 (and a half) years old.
1. I think the first infertility blog I came across was the Naked Ovary. I had been TTC for over a year at the time.
2. There was a link to your blog on the Naked Ovary. I like the fact that you regularly update it. And I'm rooting for you!
3. Yes, we are on our 20th cycle TTC. It was easy to make the decision to start, but the decisions since then have not been easy. We're trying to figure out how far we're willing to pursue medical options before moving on to adoption. I have done many medicated cycles, two IUIs, and HSG, and a laparoscopy/hysteroscopy, during which I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I think I qualify as infertile (lucky me!) and do think of myself that way.
4. I'm 28 (almost 29) and living in Memphis, TN. My husband just turned 40.
hi, my first post to your blog, ta da!
1. I found IF blogs by reading Julie & Julia, a memoir that came out of a blog that had nothing to do with fertility, but kindled my interest in blogging. When I had my 2nd miscarriage (2 weeks or so ago, while I was reading that book) and couldn't stop writing about my experience and thoughts, I decided to look into this blogging thing, and figure out how to start my own. Lo and behold, I'm not the only one!
2. Did a search, followed the links. Surforama. Not really sure what led me here specifically.
All I would change is the template. I find that particular template, and that color green tough to look at. (and green is my favorite color, so go figure). Oh, one thing that would be nice, I don't know how to do it myself, but some blogs have links to "Miscarriage #1" "Miscarriage #2" etc. It would be nice to be able to surf through your story that way. (I hope that doesn't sound too insensitive, I'm just particularly hungry for repeat miscarriage stories these days)
3. Yes, I'm currently trying and the decision has NOT been easy. In fact, I'm dealing with babies-or-not issue from more angles than I can easily keep track of. Not to be plugging my blog, but it's probably the best way to get the full(ish) scoop on me -- http://babiesornot.blogspot.com/ Actually, I'm a bit afraid to be pregnant at the moment. It seems too soon after the last attempt. But, in spite of ambivalence about the rigors of parenting, letting a single egg slip by unromanced is too hard, and missing our chance altogether, too sad. I'm closing in on thirty-five, so no time to spare.
4. I'm 35, in Rhode Island
5. I'll get back to you on this one...
hi, my first post to your blog, ta da!
1. I found IF blogs by reading Julie & Julia, a memoir that came out of a blog that had nothing to do with fertility, but kindled my interest in blogging. When I had my 2nd miscarriage (2 weeks or so ago, while I was reading that book) and couldn't stop writing about my experience and thoughts, I decided to look into this blogging thing, and figure out how to start my own. Lo and behold, I'm not the only one!
2. Did a search, followed the links. Surforama. Not really sure what led me here specifically.
All I would change is the template. I find that particular template, and that color green tough to look at. (and green is my favorite color, so go figure). Oh, one thing that would be nice, I don't know how to do it myself, but some blogs have links to "Miscarriage #1" "Miscarriage #2" etc. It would be nice to be able to surf through your story that way. (I hope that doesn't sound too insensitive, I'm just particularly hungry for repeat miscarriage stories these days)
3. Yes, I'm currently trying and the decision has NOT been easy. In fact, I'm dealing with babies-or-not issue from more angles than I can easily keep track of. Not to be plugging my blog, but it's probably the best way to get the full(ish) scoop on me -- http://babiesornot.blogspot.com/ Actually, I'm a bit afraid to be pregnant at the moment. It seems too soon after the last attempt. But, in spite of ambivalence about the rigors of parenting, letting a single egg slip by unromanced is too hard, and missing our chance altogether, too sad. I'm closing in on thirty-five, so no time to spare.
4. I'm 35, in Rhode Island
5. I'll get back to you on this one...
I'm a little late with this, but I thought the questions looked interesting.
1) Found blogs via Tess (Dim Sum Mum), and got to Tertia, Julie, etc. from there.
2) Found you via Dead Bugs recent post re: your good news.
3) Yes, am IF, although have a 4.5 year old son. Have been dealing with IF for friggin 8 years, and really ready to be done. Son is result of IVF #1, IVF #2 was miscarriage, IVF #3 was total disaster (never got to transfer), and IVF #4 was this week (10 embryos, transfer tomorrow).
4. Live in Northeast part of US, am 35.
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