Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Damned Mobs of Scribbling Women

Addiction or Adaptation? There's been a lot in the news lately about the "problem" of mothers who spend too much time on line, who have developed what the DSMV is apparently going to call internet addiction. Rachel Mosteller wrote about it on parentingdotcom and the New York times picked up the story.

I do know what they mean. There have certainly been times when I've surfed the web rather than getting down to work. There have indeed been occasions when I've wondered where the hours went. On the other hand, I tend to think I might well have spent quite a few of those hours crying into my shoes if not for the existence of the internet and its ready-made community of women going through just what I was going through at just the same time.

Mosteller quotes experts who advise that one should chart: "what was going on each time you decided to sit down at the computer. Was it right after a fight with your husband? Were you bored? By figuring out the triggers that send you seeking refuge online…you can come up with alternative activities that help you deal." I seriously wonder if there is an activity that could better have "helped me deal" with infertility and loss than writing, reading, and commenting on blogs. I have just one real-life friend who has gone through the level of difficulties I have. We're very close, but frankly, sometimes we like to take a break from ruminating on reproduction and remember the aspects of our friendship that first brought us together. I joined an in-person grief support group for those with pregnancy loss at one point and it was very helpful. But, none of our experiences were as closely matched as the self-selecting community of bloggers. For one thing, none of them went on, as I did, to cap primary infertility with secondary infertility.

Here in the online world, the support is infinitely customizable and instantly available. Primary infertiles can skip the whining of secondaries like myself when it gets to be too much. Those who would give anything just to conceive don't have to read the miscarriage memos. Having a black day? Log on. Feeling sunny? Skip it. There is a flexibility and immediacy to online contact that can't be matched in the real world.

People have been complaining that "America is now wholly given over to a damned mob of scribbling women" since Hawthorne. But I for one am proud to be a cyberscribbler. I don't plan to give it up--especially not at the suggestion of scolds who are themselves posting their warnings on line!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Melissa Ford Has 2,000 Readers Per Day

I am currently averaging about seven readers per day. Many of them were sent my way by Melissa and her great "Lost and Found and Connections Abound" column. The day Melissa featured my blog in LFCA was tremendous. I received an outpouring of support at a very low moment (ultimately false report of diminished ovarian reserve after my 4th miscarriage). I could not believe that she even knew Let's Generate existed. So this is a post to say thank you to Melissa and to encourage all seven of my current readers to check out her forthcoming book, *Navigating the Land of If*. If infertility is one of the world's rockiest emotional coastlines, Melissa has been a lighthouse for many of us.

Now, as to my seven readers, thank you all from the bottom of my heart. From new friends like Hillary to old ones like Thalia, the support of the internet IF community has made a crucial difference to me for 6 years now. (Not that I've blogged that long, but I've been lurking since 2003!) To hear an update from a long-lost friend like Sonya is just fabulous. So you *and* Tertia can recommend #7?! I find this very encouraging. Meanwhile, Bugs is a rock star and I can't believe she sometimes stops by my shop.

To all the people who find me by googling for info on thyroid disease and miscarriage, I can only say that I am humbled to know how many of us are out there. I am now, two miscarriages after the birth of Turtle, a lot less cocky about having solved my infertility puzzle than I was in 2006. But adequate thyroid supplementation certainly can't hurt.

I am to start weaning off the Reglan pump (the anti-nausea meds) today and I am a little bit nervous. Only over the weekend did my complexion finally lose the green cast I've been sporting for months. But, hopefully I'm ready and it will go well.

No regular doctor's appointment this week, but I am going to consult a midwife and another OB. The fabulous OB I used with Turtle has quit practicing OB to focus on Gyn and the new guy is not my cup of tea. (Among other things, he calls me only "Madam"-- like it would be so hard to read my name off the chart.) Back when I couldn't even swallow tea I wasn't in shape to be choosy about my practitioner, but now I'm thinking that maybe I should find someone I'd actually want to deliver with! Anyway, next week is the bog 16-week scan. I will keep you posted.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Well, hello there

Hi. I'm sorry I've been such a terrible blogger. What can I say? Round-the-clock puking does tend to sap the will to live, let alone the urge to write.

But. I am 14 weeks pregnant! We still have a live fetus. And of my seven (seven?!) pregnancies to date, only one prior one--the successful one-- made it to the second trimester. So I am cautiously optimistic--audaciously hopeful--that this pregnancy could be the real deal.

I have very little to report, having just spent two straight months puking in bed. I can tell you that the weather from the window was not good in those months. There were thunder storms in March. And lightening made me puke so I was extra miserable.

Also, there are very few novels out there that include realistic characters and thematic depth, yet convey an upbeat outlook. People either gave me Misery Lit like Rohinton Mistry's A FIne Balance or Harlequin romances. For a long time there was nothing I could eat and nothing I wanted to read. At a low point, I resorted to Laura Ingalls Wilder, *The Long WInter*. That played a big part in getting me through, actually.

In other news, I can say that my body appears to have gotten the memo bout the second trimester and I am feeling much better. It feels miraculous just to sit in the living room; going outside is a wonder. I took to my bed in the winter and lo, spring has sprung.

So, I am rusty, so rusty at posting. And, as I may have mentioned, writing non-fiction is key to my day job (from which I took emergency leave). So I suppose it's good to face my inarticulateness here on the old blog. But sheesh. My very brain feels arthritic.

Well, maybe I will write here more frequently if only to try to limber up. I am still on the anti-nausea meds, but off the home iv. Hope that when I am med free and up to 16 weeks the gears will start to turn again. Anyway, thanks much to the few still hanging in there with me.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Twelve Weeks

sorry for the long silence. Hyperemesis has made posting impossible. But. I am still pregnant! I've only made it this far once before- and that was with Turtle. So I am very hopeful. There will be more silence. A home iv for hydration means I don't get use of my right hand ( except like today between insertions). But I will update when I can.