Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Sharpening the Knife: Updated

Looks like it will soon be time to carve another notch in my bedpost. Today's beta was just 90, whereas it should have been something more like 110. The slow-rising beta, as we all know, is an ominous sign. At this point the number is too high to call this a plain old chemical pregnancy. So it looks like I'll soon be able to boast about my fourth miscarriage. Another upside: I may lose this one before I have the chance to get good and ill... The real twist of the knife, though, is that this ultra-early miscarriage is NOT following my usual pattern of strong early betas then loss after heartbeat at 8 weeks. What that means is that this coming loss will probably be the result of the same suspected uterine scarring to blame for my recent conception problems (for which I would have undergone dx this month if I hadn't conceived) rather than relating to whatever the hell is my basic problem. It is all just so discouraging.

Henry! Fetch me a baby! (There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza...)

Another lousy beta today (Wed.). Going to take some "cave time." See you next week...

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm just crushed. I hope there's still a chance. I always do. Wish there were something I could do.

Nico said...

Just came over from a comment you left on April's blog. I'm so sorry to hear that your beta is not doubling properly. God, that sucks. Add my thoughts and prayers in with pixi's that everything is okay. And that you're okay.

Susie said...

Oh, no, Anne. I hate this for you. If this is a loss, I do hope they'll be able to tell if it really is the scarring.

I wish there was something I could do. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Anne. This is so difficult.

Lisa P. said...

Oh, damn, I hope this isn't true... Thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, I am so sorry. I'll keep all digits crossed that there's still hope of this working out. In the meantime take good care of yourself. We're here thinking about you!

Foxxy One said...

I'm just going to keep praying that you are wrong and that you are not miscarrying.

Anonymous said...

You do what you need to do to protect yourself, Anne. But would you mind if I continue to quietly hope for you over here?

Anonymous said...

Oh, Anne, I'm so sorry that your beta number wasn't what you had hoped it would be and that you're feeling so discouraged. My thoughts are with you, and I am praying that somehow things will still work out.

Anonymous said...

oh no. I'm quietly hoping.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I don't read you for a few days and all this happens - I don't know where to start. I am so sorry about this suckage. I wish I'd been in time to say congratulations. I hope I still am.

Anonymous said...

My heart is heavy. Please know that I'm thinking of you.

erinberry said...

I so sorry that your beta number wasn't what you hoped for. I hope you get some good news soon.

Foxxy One said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.

Anonymous said...

Shit, Anne. Take as much cave time as you need. I might just join you.

Anonymous said...

Anne, I just saw your update, and I am so sorry. This sucks! I hate that you are having to go through this again. I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers, and I hope that seeing that you have so many Internet friends who care about you is some small comfort.

Susie said...

I'm so sorry, Anne. I'm thinking of you.

April said...

Oh dear. I'm so incredibly sorry Anne. So heartbreakingly sorry.

My heart is with you right now.

Lisa P. said...

This is so sad. I'm very sorry.

Anonymous said...

Anne, I hope by now that things are clear - of course I hope that the beta took a leap up but if not I hope that you're doing as well as can be expected. I'm so sorry.

Just so you know, the code word for this entry was: bwaahh

Anonymous said...

I am really sorry. I hope you're doing okay.