Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I Am a Fertility Goddess

Well, I meant to not post for a few weeks. To try to focus on my actual life and work, not the inside of my computer. But it seems I’m addicted to the blog world. Or I miss ya’ll or something. Anyway, I managed to read about Get-up Grrl’s cat without posting, but Reprogirl’s posts tipped me over the edge. I just hadda share the latest:

See, I started feeling pregnancy symptoms on Saturday, the same day I had my first positive OPK. I had the fatigue *and* I kept having to pee a lot. I mean a LOT. And that always happens to me really early in the pregnancy. So I just went around all day peeing & peeing & thinking, wow, they really ought to improve the technology on those pregnancy tests. I mean, if my body can sense the hormonal changes this soon, there *must* be measurable amounts of chemicals in my pee. Not that I actually tested, mind you. I know those tests don't work the day of ovulation. I just walked around feeling smug and pleased with my secret, impressed with my earthy intimate knowledge of my own body.

We went to a friend's barbecue and there were infants and toddlers galore. But secure in my secret knowledge, I was fine. One idiot metrosexual with a five-month-old son in a sling actually went on and on about how it would be his first "Daddy's Day" the next day causing my highly sensitive yet wholly inarticulate husband to accidentally impale his own hand on a barbecue skewer. I almost gave my husband the good news, just to make him feel better. But I didn't want to jinx anything. Instead, I went home and had some totally unnecessary--wink, wink--conception sex, then fell into an exhausted sleep around midnight.

You can imagine my glee when I woke at 2:30 AM with the most ferocious need to pee. See, I told you! And then I peed. And the PAIN. The PAIN. It was excruciating. There was an effing barbecue skewer up my urethra. There was actual blood, people. I was up the rest of the night. And antibiotics and Pyridene notwithstanding I’ve been way too uncomfortable for sex ever since. See how well this cycle is shaping up for me?

Please, please, tell me I'm not the first person to diagnose a UTI as a pregnancy!

So, ball's in your court. What's your worst/funniest "hysterical pregnancy"* story?

*See Reprogirl June 16

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, you have succeeded in making me feel like a little bit less of a loser.

I have had it with pregnancy "symptoms." It's a load of bollocks.

Susie said...

Ugh, UTIs are so horrible. I'm sorry you got one.

I think I would have had to do some bodily harm to the asshole who was so excited about his first "Daddy's Day." Seriously.

Hang in there.

Cathy said...

I (kinda) did the opposite - I went to the doctor for that bad feeling thinking I had my first UTI - and ended up being pregnant with a UTI.

Bad Egg said...

It might not be the worst, or the funniest, but is sure is the most naive. This happened very early on, before B. and I were aware of the scourge that is infertility, but while we were actively trying to conceive. B., seeing me naked, in nice bright daylight, says, "Wow, your boobs have gotten bigger! You must be pregnant."

"Really? They have?" I hadn’t noticed anything different, but now that he pointed it out, yeah, they did look a bit bigger.

Lots of hopeful looking in the mirror followed, until my period arrived a few days later, right on schedule. Silly me, it never occurred to me that if my breasts were actually growing I would feel it. I had just gained weight, that’s all.

It breaks my heart now to think of the hopeful optimism we had back then, what seems so long ago.

I’ve had my share of UTIs too - they suck. I recommend homemade cranberry juice popsicles.

Anonymous said...

When my husband and I first started trying there was one month where I was sure I was pregnant. Everthing smelled different and made me feel sick, I had heartburn (which I never had) and so forth. I was convinced. I started taking those early ready tests and went thru a couple of boxes. I even bought onesies and told a friend or two that maybe just maybe. Anyway I wasn't. Not really a funny story but I was just so convinced. Anyway months later we started the fertility testing. The doctors thought I might be subfertile but the early test showed I was ovulating and tubes were not blocked. But husband's test came back zero sperm. So all my imaginings were just that. I still feel alot of private humiliation over that. Why I don't know. Just because I guess I should know my body better. Anyway still have the onesies. Can't stand the thought of getting rid of them. It was nice to feel that exicited and hopeful and the onesies remind me of my dreams.

Anne said...

Wow Anon. Your story really tugs at me. I have a half-crocheted baby hat sitting on my night stand that I started making 2 1/2 years ago, before I'd even started trying to get pregnant--cause I was so sure I'd get pregnant and was worried I wouldn't have enough time to finish the whole layette (hat, sweater, booties, blankie) before the baby arrived. Pouch. Seeing it makes me sad. I can't bear either to finish it or to throw it away.