Huzzah!

Like so many others out there in the IF ether, I've been inspired to start this blog by the great triumvriate: Julie, Tertia, and Grrl. Julie's was the first blog of any kind I'd ever read. I found her two Christmases ago immediately after my first miscarriage. I was in shock, I was in grief and I was in pain looking at all the cherubic Christmas photos of children sent by friends and acquaintances. None of them knew about the miscarriage, which was a deep secret in those days.

In the midst of all-night google misery madness, I magically stumbled onto Julie's blog and her sarcastic Christmas letter. My God, the relief! I became an instant fan and constant lurker. After Julie came Tertia—what grace, what strength, then Grrl—what sheer brilliance. I admired them all immensely, but I thought that I'd been through so little compared to them I didn't really have the "bonafides" to be part of the pack.

Is fate still laughing at that? Or could it be fresh laughter from my first reader? Yeah, be careful what you wish for. More than a year later I have 2 more miscarriages under my belt (beneath my sash? under my skirt? In my panties?) and an official diagnosis as a Habitual Spontaneous Aborter. HSA! Huzzah! Hurrah! Hooray for me! Part of the pack, like it or not, I think I'm now ready to blog.

By now, real world friends know all about my sorry saga. Trouble is, most of my dear old friends can’t really relate. In fact, half the time they can’t even come to the phone, what with Little Miss crying to be fed and Junior trying to feed peanut butter to the dog. I’ve met some wonderful women through a support group. There the problem is that they can relate too much. The first one of us to become pregnant knows she’s going to inadvertently cause all the others’ pain. I’d like a place where I don’t need to be discreet in either joy or sorrow.

Over time, I’ve begun to read more and more and more blogs, as infertility has suddenly become my all-absorbing hobby. When I first started this entry, I thought I’d try to include a dedication to each blogger that has really inspired me. But I had to stop in terror when I got to 17, realizing that there are so many amazing women out there that I’d hate to accidentally leave one out.

Anyway, many many thanks to all the members of the IF blogosphere, from those that are just day-tripping here, to those like me who feel they’ve embarked on an impossible round-the-world expedition in a leaky canoe, and to those who’ve found their destination. If I can add the smallest spark to Julie's heart & humor, Tertia's tender courage, or Grrl's megawatt style, I’ll be proud to count myself a member of the barren bitch brigade.